Raccoons have destroyed my lawn - looking for alternatives

Came home from overseas to my west-end Toronto semi-detached to discover the backyard lawn destroyed by raccoons. Enough is enough: I'm removing all the grass and I want to put in some kind of ground cover and/or ornamental grasses, shrubs, hostas, that sort of thing.

The yard faces east and is surrounded by structures on all sides. There is a two-storey-tall tree on a neighbouring property behind mine, which extends across the alley toward my yard, shading it in the morning. On either side are my neighbours' 12-foot-tall garages and they of course create shade too.

Complicating all this: I am NOT a gardener. In fact, I can kill plants just by looking at them. What should I plant? What about some hardscaping?